Change the Maid of Honor?
Topic: Change the Maid of Honor?
December 12, 2019 / By Henrietta Question:
The Wedding is in a week and I want to change my Maid of Honor. The girl I want to be the Maid of Honor is my other best friend and was originally "second in command" as it were. My maid of honor has been completely uninvolved in my wedding planning process. She hasn't seemed to care about anything at all. When I asked her to help set up the Bridal Shower and the Bachelorette Party, she basically said No. And shes been complaining that she has to do a Maid of Honor speech. The girl I want to be the Maid of Honor now found out I was setting up the parties and she offered to take over everything! Spent her own money, made invitations, set up games and places to go, she did everything even though I didn't ask her to! My maid of honor only made an appearance at the Bridal Shower and 10 minutes before the Bachelorette Party was about to start, she text me saying she wasn't going to make it because she had a headache!
How do I tell her I want her to step aside and have my other best friend be the maid of honor???
Best Answers: Change the Maid of Honor?
Earleen | 2 days ago
You need to have a heart to heart with your current Maid of Honor, and explain as nicely as you can, everything described above. Tell her how hurt you are that she didn't seem to take the most important day of your life serious. Explain how your other friend stepped in and helped out in all the ways she should have and that you are sorry but want to honor your other friend by putting her as the Maid of Honor. She can still be a bridesmaid. This will be a hard discussion to have but if you feel strongly about it, you need to talk to her. Also, would the other gal have a dress?
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Originally Answered: Maid of Honor?
A maid of honor should be a person whom loves you and wants you to have a great wedding. She should want to help you with the planning and should want to throw you parties. She should be the one who let's you cry over the napkin rings not being right, then never telling anyone you cried over something so stupid. She should be the person near tears as she gives a speech/toast at your wedding. She should a person that will make you smile when you look at pictures of your wedding 20 years from now.
If your sister is not that person, she should not be your maid of honor. I would make her a bridesmaid. Explain to your mom that you want to be true to yourself and this feels right to you.
It's a definite affront to "fire" your maid of honour, and there will probably be hard feelings for years to come. This is especially a problem if you know her family or have friends in common.
Another possibility: Since your current M of H isn't interested in participating, maybe you could let her keep her official position, but let your "second" bridesmaid take over the M of H duties. Tell maid of honour, "Since you don't really want to make the speech, how about I ask Bridesmaid #2 to do it instead." Do the same for any other duties or rituals your official M of H seems bored with. And give your second place bridesmaid a particularly nice thank you gift.
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It depends. If she has purchased a dress and other things for your wedding, then you can't. She could actually take you to court to recover costs and she would win. If she hasn't purchased anything, then I guess you should just ask her to bow out.
The real problem here is that you are expecting more from a MOH then they are required to do. You should not be planning your own shower or have anything to do with the planning. If your friends or bridal party want to host one, fine. If not, then they are not required to do it.
You seem to want to be free to direct people how they are to spend their time and money. Take a look at your own "requirements" before you make plans on their behalf. It may be your wedding, but the planning of such is not the center of anyone else's universe.
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By the sounds of things, the original Maid of Honour didn't really want to do it but didn't want to say no. I think you saying to her that she's 'relieved of her duties' will probably be music to her ears. In the event it isn't though, she has no recourse whatsoever. She completely neglected her responsibilities and in doing so proved herself to be a pretty crappy friend.
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If this is what you want then you have to be honest with her about it and give her your reasons. However, be prepared to lose her as a friend.
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Originally Answered: I don't want to be a maid of honor any more.what do I do?
Call her NOW! Straight up tell her you need to gracefully back out and she will find someone else who will be honored to be her maid of honor. Don't delay. Chances are you will not be invited to the wedding, but from what you have noted, possibly no loss to you anyways, and there might not be a wedding. What ever the reason be firm, but let her down gently, but do it now.