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PLEASE READ AND COMMENT ON MY STORY.?

PLEASE READ AND COMMENT ON MY STORY.? Topic: PLEASE READ AND COMMENT ON MY STORY.?
December 12, 2019 / By Alana
Question: I WANT TO BE A WRITER. WROTE THIS IN 11 MINUTES. WHAT DO YOU THINK? ......................................... O God...am I enjoying this? Am I really enjoying this? Where is it? Where's the overwhelming guilt, the shock, the regret? I feel nothing. Nothing. Yet this is my first kill (or series of kills). And am liking this. I think am a monster. Am not really human. It's the only sane explanation I have. But that's ok. I don't mind. If this is how a monster feels then I belong here. Besides, what did they expect? I wasn't exactly doling out cookies when I broke my bonds. That, plus I think there's something about dead bodies that make security guards rush at dangerous suspects blindly, scattering caution and life-saving rationality to the four winds. I don't get how that doesn't get you dead. Don't they realize it yet? I am trying my absolute hardest to be obvious. All I want is out. Just point me in the direction of the nearest exit and I’ll end this. And not the bad kind of 'end this', the good living breathing kind. I'll let them tend to their wounded and I’ll be on my merry way... How many more gallons should I spill before making my point? I'd talk if I could, but I don't think they understand me. Doesn't matter. I like this method more-just hope they shared my sentiments on the matter. So here we go: Let me out. Slash. Let me out. Smash. Let me out. Toss. Let me out. Tear. Let me out. Maul. Let me out. Crush. Let me out. Spring. Catch. Break. Out. Bite. Worry. Toss. OUT. Claw. Avoid. Avoid. Grip. Swing. Let loose. Jump. Catch. Crush. Break. Bite. Maul. Hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt HURT HURT HURT HURT HURT HURT HURT HURT HURT..... LET. Crush. ME. Smash. OUT!!! ......................................... Easy on the spelling and punctuation. This was me speed writing (11 minutes 05 seconds...)
Best Answer

Best Answers: PLEASE READ AND COMMENT ON MY STORY.?

Travers Travers | 1 day ago
that was really good. don't worry about being "negative" i think that the darkness to it is good. just keep writing, that's the only thing that can make you better. when writing let your creative side go crazy, and then come back later and look at it with a critical eye. keep writing.
👍 150 | 👎 1
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Travers Originally Answered: Unedited story for Fictionpress. Read/Edit/Comment, please?
Your prologue...isn't, really. It's much more of a blurb. It's fun, but it doesn't fit as a prologue. I liked the start of the story itself. It's quirky and funny, and it manages to avoid "obnoxious teen who needs a good slap" syndrome. I especially liked the "Mr Smith Was Just Weird umbrella". And it's so nice to read a story here which is spelt, punctuated and paragraphed properly :) Lose the "told with wit and humour" bit of the summary. I wouldn't even click on a summary where the author said that about their own writing. Edit: KK, try reading before you swipe next time. She's one of the few posters here who actually HAS edited her story.
Travers Originally Answered: Unedited story for Fictionpress. Read/Edit/Comment, please?
Oh, I love them! I only read In Your Eyes, but it was good. I'll go back and comment, then read the others... I'm 15 too btw. Post it in all your answers, with the source link. If you don't alrady have a Myspace, and other sites like that, than make one, and advertise! You've got to network. You could reveiw other works to....Establish a name.

Reed Reed
interesting... I kind of wish there was more to what was happening, but I liked it. Mechanically the only errors i found was hat you left you "I' several times in the beginning. Nothing. Yet this is my first kill (or series of kills). And ->I<-am liking this. I think ->I<-am a monster. ->I<- Am not really human. It's the only sane explanation I have. But that's ok. I don't mind. If this is how a monster feels then I belong here. once again, nothing really important.
👍 60 | 👎 0

Max Max
this is a little ... much maybe you need to think about your subject and um.. be less.. how can i put this... negative
👍 60 | 👎 -1

Max Originally Answered: Picture Comment! Please comment/story!?
First of, I would like to thank you for posting this question. Also, if you do not mind of course, let me explain why. When I took the creative writing class during my first year of college, the professor gave us assignments on power writing. Power writing consists of taking interest in something utterly unplanned and simply writing about it for twenty minutes or so. I loved it. I took it a little more seriously and started writing about people whom I randomly saw on streets, trying to make up their stories and whatnot. So in short summary, you have given me an opportunity to re-live some old days, thanks. Now the story behind the picture: The funeral went by in proper manner. It took place on a shady, gray, quite uneventful Sunday. Mr. Bowen was gone for good. As the slow-motion crowd of people dressed in all black slowly dispearsed, Mrs. Bowen, now a widow, and her daughter Sarah stood there saying their good byes. As the girl whimpered out the last tear from her sockets, she held her necklace with a violent grip. "Come on baby, we must go now," said Mrs. Bowen. Sarah pulled the necklace her dad had bought for her years ago, ripping it from her neck. As she started walking away. She unnoticeably to anyone but her, dropped the necklace in the grave mumbeling something to herself. When they got home, Sarah took the longest walk up the drive-way knowing that whenever she walks in her house from now on, dad will not be in his office finishing up some work. She slowly dragged her feet up the stairs to her room where she closed the door and dropped the coat on the floor. She slowly walked over to her desk and sat there. She was not sure as to what should she do now. She simply sat there looking at the table and every breath took upon a form of a sigh. She glanced over to the wall in front and looked at all the memorabilia she had put up there over the years. Her eyes immediately focused on the picture of her with her dad on a very bright Sunday at her first softball game. And she did not move at all. She sat frozen still looking at the picture.

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