Originally Answered: ADHD, MY CHILD. My son was diagnosed with adhd and behavorial disruptive as well in school it hurts me?
Sorry this long! How old is he? Age makes a big difference. My son has sever ADHD, home life is so hard I send him every other weekend to spend the night with family cause. It give us time to calm down. My son has tantrums at home when he is told to something that he does not want to do. I have found that if I give him tasks to do that take only a few min helps. When he doesn't want to listen at all he sit on his bed the rest of the day. If he listens, he gets to play video games, ride his bike or what ever. If he listens most of the week I let him play video games as long has he wants on sat verses an hour. Video games help calm an ADHD child down, it seems to give the brain a brake from going 100 miles an hour. They also sit still, which is the biggest blessing! Find out what he REALLY likes, use it as a reward. Decide what rules you want, the rewards and consequences for those rules. Sit him down and go over the rules. If he brakes them stand your ground no matter what he says or does. Make sure you know he is capable of following the rules when he wants to. For example I know if my sons room is a really big mess he is unable to clean it all at once. SO I will tell him what part to clean. When he listens he goes out side or play a video game for a little bit, then I send him back in, and so on and so on, until it is clean. I also do that with his homework.
My son has in-pluses, he doesn't think all the time before acting or talking. That's a hard one because he just turned 9 and he has a 2 year old brother. It seems like he's always hurting his brother, but he is not out to hurt his brother, it just happens. My son was 6 and had just started the first grade when he was put on Adderall for his ADHD. The doc has up the dose 4 times over the years, she said she will keep upping it until we get to a dose that works. Since his inpluses are really effecting his ability to think before he acts, she has add Intuniv. She add this to his Adderall to help with his inpluses. Both medications have helped A LOT, to clam him down. I try to spend 30 mins to an hour one on one with him, and do a puzzle, play a board game or what ever , but he doesn't get that special time with me with out his brother if he wastes his time not doing what he was asked to do.
AS far as your bond with him, that's going to be a tough road. The best thing to do is him as much love as you can. Give him lost of hugs and kisses and tell him you love him a lot. When he has a fit or what ever after you correct him, tell him you love him, even if you are still mad. Tell him you are sorry but you only do it because you love him. If you say you love him when you are still mad or upset. It will reinforce his thoughts about your love towards him, if you can look him in the eyes, tell him you love him with all your heart, even though he can see you are still up set. It shows him you truly love him. I have a habit of taking my hands and gently hold my son's head so he looks me in the eyes and say " I love you very much but I can't take this right now so you need to go to your room until I come get you". He know this means we need a time out from each other.
To sum it all up: Show and tell your love for him as much as can, even when your clearly upset. Invest in video games if you don't have any yet. Stand your ground on the rules, if you don't he WILL walk all over you and do what it takes to brake so he gets his way. Make sure rules and chorus are age appropriate. Take time outs from each other when needed. If you can, send him to a family for the weekend. Talk to his doctor and tell them the good and the bad! Sometimes medication is a must. Call the school to see if there is a program for his special need( I hate to use that term) most have something to help for ADHD. Small tasks not big ones. See if he will help you around the house. My son is nine, he likes to help chop things up for dinner with supervision (it's a good bounding activity), also he likes to clean off the table and sink, and water the outside plants. SO see if there are things around the house he can do with you. Try to allow for one on one time. Sometimes its the little things that make the biggest difference. Remember his brain is going 100 miles an hour most of the time, and he my not be in full control of his emotions and actions. Parenting is trial and error, somethings work with one child and not the other, even with sibling. My two kids are nothing a like. I have to do things a lot different with my 2 year old then I did with him when he was 2.
Again sorry this is long but ADHD is complicated. Look up info on the internet and read up on it.