ADMISSIONS ESSAY ! what do you think ? Please help!?

ADMISSIONS ESSAY ! what do you think ? Please help!? Topic: ADMISSIONS ESSAY ! what do you think ? Please help!?
December 12, 2019 / By Zander
Question: Okay so this is my Admissions essay as of right now , What do you think ? what will the University think? Please help! Thank you for all your feedbacks ! When I look at this picture of myself , I realize how much I’ve grown physically, mentally, and as a person in the last few years. Less than one month after this photograph was taken, I arrived at North Shore Community College without any idea of what to expect. Surrounding me in this picture are the things which were most important in my life at the time, and today’s photo would be different. If I am accepted to Northeastern University I will strive to be a tremendous community member and student by devoting all my time to my studies and to Northeastern. .I believe that because I work hard and don't give up easily. I believe that I am obligated to use my talents in a constructive manner, in a manner that benefits society in a manner that will help maintain the strong community on the Northeastern campus. Becoming a Doctor has been one of my dreams for as long as I can remember, ever since I was a little girl. Now that I am older I am truly passionate about becoming a Doctor, and believe I am ready to rise up and meet this challenge. I love helping others and making them feel more comfortable. I am passionate about becoming a Doctor so that I can help others. I have shared the lives of my patients as a personal care attendant. I have laughed and I have cried with them. I think I am ready to take the next step and actually help my patients as a certified Doctor. The medical career gives me the unique opportunity to express my many talents while benefitting human life. Completing medical school has always been a dream of mine. like many others I have been through times of sorrow. I have watched love ones in pain, with uncertain futures, and just recently an Uncle has reappeared in the lives of my family. I am glad to see him back and I'm sad and worried about is life. He has been diagnosed with throat cancer and must undergo chemotherapy Which was a complete shock to me and my family. Watching his struggles urges me to learn more about steps into recovery and how I can help. It is my experience that Physicians don't just treat bodies; they also listen to patients with their heart and mind because sometimes illness is helped by friendship. I believe that I have good social skills, and I believe that these skills will make a good foundation to be a successful student and Physician. . As a sales consultant, I interact and communicate with a variety of people, expanding my ability to discuss a wide range of topics. Because people seem to frequently disclose their personal issues to me, I have learned to become a good conversationalist and an excellent listener. I believe that my ability to improve and enhance my communication skills makes me well suited to pursue a medical career. I am highly motivated to succeed. I dramatically improved my grades following a time at North Shore Community College. In the past year I have learned a lot through my experiences and relationships. I’ve realized that I was trying so much to make everyone else happy that I wasn’t keeping myself and my interests in mind at times when I should have. Once I realized what goal I wanted to pursue in my life, I plan to work hard to succeed in achieving this goal. I have been diligent in my pursuit of medicine as a career because I am convinced that medicine offers me the opportunity to live a fulfilling, rewarding life dedicated to helping others. I will enter medicine eager to learn. Attending Northeastern University would be one of the greatest rewards for my motivation and persistence for success.
Best Answer

Best Answers: ADMISSIONS ESSAY ! what do you think ? Please help!?

Sibald Sibald | 6 days ago
The theme overall sounds good. I think some of it is repetitive and a bit rambling, and you need to carefully check for grammar, punctuation, etc. I easily found a few mistakes.
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Sibald Originally Answered: Admissions essay HELP!?
Your intro sounds wonderful. The only change that I think you should make is in the use of the word "yourself". The words you, your, and yourself should only be used when actually talking about a person specifically. A Quick fix would be to use the word "oneself" so that it applies to anyone. Also, you make two powerful points in the sentence so get rid of the "and" to make it two sentences. "Part of being a leader is having the drive and initiative to challenge oneself in all aspects of life. Your program is the perfect opportunity for me to do that." By the way, I just graduated college and you write better than many of the students in my senior writing class. Since you are applying fora math and science program, I am assuming you are talented in that area as well. That is really awesome. Congratulations on being such a stellar student! I wish you much luck!
Sibald Originally Answered: Admissions essay HELP!?
Hey, thanks for the answer to my question and for your question, I must say that this is a great start for a 14-yr-old! I wasn't writing that good at that age! But anyways, I think you should stick to what you have so far..

Ofer Ofer
I'm not sure exactly what the question for the essay was, but you may want to focus more on your health or related people experience. Also I noticed that a lot of your sentences start with "I am.... or I have..." so you may want to change that up a bit.... good luck:)
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Lauren Lauren
Usually just a general writing sample about anything, but make sure it's your best writing. Have an English teacher approve it. I'd say no more than two pages.
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Lauren Originally Answered: Admissions Essay?
Having been in the exact same place as you once, I'd say start writing about who you are and then go back to the beginning once you have the body. Something eyecatching but honest - not so it looks like you'e trying too hard or making things up. Here's some questions to help - what do you do when you're not involved with family? Any hobbies? What's driving you to return to school at this point in your life? What are your goals/reasons for getting said degree? Why are you a better risk than say, some 20 something without any life experience? (BTW, the best answer, having been friends with an admissions officer, is that you have a developed work ethic, you understand what it is to set and acheive goals, etc.) One of the big things that concerns a college about non trad students is commitment - are you going to be able to fulfill your obligations and still have a family? If you can convince them of that, plus your motivations as to why you want to go to that school, you'll be a shoe-in. (I used to be president of the non traditional students organization at my old college - these were the biggest two issues a college had with non trads) Good Luck! I think you'll do fine.

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