CHILD SUPPORT - loving devoted dad OR single, spend child support on herself, partying mom?
Topic: CHILD SUPPORT - loving devoted dad OR single, spend child support on herself, partying mom?
January 19, 2020 / By Imanuel Question:
I have lots of questions on this subject...as a woman who didn't have a biological father growing up and didn't receive any monetary support, why do the dads the do spend time with their kids, pay 1/2 of everything, etc. get screwed? My boyfriend is one of the best dads I have ever seen! He is a wonderful father to my step-daughter who is 5 and our daughter, but we are barely able to make ends meet. Now Public Aid in Illinois is taking him back to court for MORE child support. I understand as the cost of living goes up so does child support, but he pays too much money to her now! First off 22% comes out of the check I understand. But then the $115 for insurance every paycheck (he gets paid twice a week), 1/2 of daycare, and other necessities when we have her. We get her every other weekend, if we don't have her on the weekend we get her Sunday night, and we also pick her up from school on Wednesday nights and take her to school Thursday. Now I know you are thinking well he should want her because it's his daughter....she is the one that has residential custody. He got majorly screwed because he didn't seek legal representation when they first went to court because his ex told him that he didn't have to. She has residential custody and he pays child support (which totals to about $538 with the child support and insurance.) This doesn't include the clothes we buy for school, new bed sheets, toys, food, and transportation. When she is out of school daycare is $75 a week, when she is in school she is in the after-school program for $9 a week (THANK GOD!) I agree that a father should pay child support especially if he doesn't have anything to do with the child. Now, through Public Aid she is taking him back to court for more money, I am kind of worried how we are going to pay our bills depending on how much is taken out of his check. He makes GREAT money, but after child support there is hardly anything left. I may be complaining, but do any of you know a way to help get her at our house or the child support stopped. I may sound like an overbearing step-mom, but I love her very much. It just so happens she costs so much. She requires more money spent on her than our 9 month old daughter. I wouldn't mind having her all the time, but her mother would not go for it..just because she wouldn't collect money from him bi-weekly. I just feel terrible for him because we have tried finding a decent lawyer, but cannot afford it. There is no way to get a subsidized lawyer because he makes too much money...that we never see. We got calls all the time from her asking us to pick her up from school...take her to daycare....watch her on days off....can you keep her tonight I have plans....This doesn't even mention how many daycares she has put her in and taken her out of, over 9 times moved around 9 times in 4 1/2 years (probably more, but my head hurts too much to count) and most of those are boyfriend's that she brings in and out of her life...Does anyone have any ideas for us???? Please help!
OK. So, I am sorry for offending you softball mom, but I didn't say single mothers are terrible....my mom was a single mother for the longest time and yes I do agree single mothers are the hardest working people I know, but why should we pay 1/2 of support for her while we have her over 1/2 the time?? For your information I do have a job. My job pays all bills. His check pays her child support, insurance, and daycare - he occasionally has enough to buy gas. Hope this clarifies it for you!
Once again. Thanks to everyone for their answers, but I am not talking down to single moms! I respect them very much, the ones that don't abuse the rights! I don't want to leave the relationship because I love him and that little girl more than anything. I know everything costs, but we shouldn't have to pay for her water service, garbage, gas money if we have to pay for it for her too! I am not married but I am with that child more like any mother. We cook together, color, read, play chalk outside...spend time together. Why would I want to give that up. Should she sit at home with me while he gets a second job? How fair is that to her?? She comes to her Dad's to see her dad too? I am not hear to talk about the bad stepmoms, I was only trying to give you a background...just to see if there was any HELP out there for us. Thanks to all that have helped so far, it means so much to us tremendously!!
Best Answers: CHILD SUPPORT - loving devoted dad OR single, spend child support on herself, partying mom?
Euan | 6 days ago
First of all, child support in Illinois for one child is 20%, not 22%. Child support is based on his income. The child was produced half by him and half by her, so yes, he should provide half of the support, which doesn't happen very often. I have been a single mom for all of my daughter's life and while I commend your boyfriend for taking responsibility, I can tell you that she pays for the everyday things that add up very quickly. I realize there are some mothers out there who take advantage of child support, but the majority are just single moms trying to get by and need that money to help with the expenses a child brings. Perhaps if the two of you are having trouble making ends meet, I didn't see where YOU have a job, perhaps you should get one!
You may not have intended to put down single moms, but you did! Once my ex was complaining about the amount of child support he was paying, so to make a point I sat down and added up what I spent on her in about 3 to 3 1/2 weeks. I did not include rent, my car payment, utilities or anything like that. What I did include was 1/2 of my gas money (for being her taxi), half of all grocery bills, and half of my Wal-Mart bills unless I knew it was all for her. You know what I came up with? I spent over $650 on her. You have no idea what the mother spends the money on and that's why you have no business raking her over the coals.
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Originally Answered: Child Support loving father that needs some tips/advice please help?
First, you have no legal rights to the child, so how much you see her may not be applicable. To learn your rights, join Dads House in Yahoo Groups
I am somebody that has child support coming into my household - and even more going out of my household.
First off - why you are spending money on clothes for school, new bed sheets, toys, food, and transportation??? That is what the Child support is for!! I don't ask my "ex" to buy these things - he's doing his part by paying his child support- AND insurance. OR - are you saying you are paying for these things when they are at your house? as for clothes for school- that is the mothers job if he is paying child support.
I myself was a single mother - (3 kids) I am now married. and you know what - I had more money when I was single! alot more back in taxes- had child support coming in - had my income coming in - and only MY expenses. so - for those that say "single mothers are just trying to get by" - I was a single mother- and a married mother- and I was better off as a single mother..... heat assistance - reduced food for school - earned income credit on taxes.
So, you know what - pay the child support and quit with the school clothes- thats what the child support is for - to pay for things like that!
as for child support - you now have a child - maybe your state takes that into consideration when doing the child support....... and if your insurance was increased lately - maybe they will take that into consideration - and how much time he spends with the child - have a record - you do alot of picking up - and maybe he has them more then the court order said- see if they will take that into consideration if you have record of how often he sees her.
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I agree with Softball Moms response. I too am a single mom, and the money that my sons father is forced to send barely pays day care! My son has special needs and requires more than normal care.. WHO takes care of that ME! Believe me, IT ADDS UP QUICK, does he or his paternal grandparents help, NO!!!
So, tell your boyfriend to get a second job like most single moms do to make ends meet. I still have to do it. AND no I am not bitter. When I laid down and made a baby with him,(my son's father) I KNEW what I would be in for when he (my son) came into the world, if my son's father and I didn't last.
As much as responsibility sucks, get over it. ITS called being an adult, so stop whining. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
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First of all you are NOT the child's step mother. A step mother is the woman MARRIED to the biological father. You're not married. This is your boyfriend's daughter period. Secondly child support is set up to pay for 1/2 of the child's living expenses. That means 1/2 of putting a roof over that chid's head, 1/2 the electricity to light the lights under that roof, to be able to turn on the television, to run the stove if it is electric, to run the dishwasher as well as the washer and dryer. 1/2 of the water that goes into the house, for drinking, cooking washing clothes and bathing (I'm sure the child takes baths at her mother's right?). Then there is the sewer, I'm sure the child has bowel movements at her mother's, she has probably vomited at mom's house as well as pissed in the toilet a time or two. Garbage. It costs money to have the garbage picked up once or twice a week and 1/2 of that garbage is generated by that child. Then of course there is entertainment for the child and yes chid support goes to pay for half of that as well as half of any transportation costs for getting her to and from school/doctor/dental appointments, not to mention wear and tear on the vehicle that takes the child to and from. I suggest that you sit down and calculate up all the costs for this. Thirdly, stop griping about the mother asking for more child support when it is Public Aid requring more That means that he is NOT paying child support to the mother, if the child is on Public Aid, and that the state is requiring the father to pay his child support. He made a baby, he has to support that baby. If you don't like it I suggest you leave the relationship and find a guy who doesn't have any children he has to support.
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Perhaps you should tell your boyfriend to get joint custody. The more time that the child spends with the non-custodial parent, the less they will have to pay in support. Do your research online, for the most part, he doesn't need a lawyer to petition for joint custody, although having a lawyer would be ideal. Maybe he could get a second job but I do recommend that you read this book. It could be instrumental to your plight.
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